Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
