No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
