In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
