party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
