This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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