his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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