I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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