I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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