my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
