i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
