Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
