I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
