What a fucking waste of an outfit
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
