I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
