i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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