he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
