if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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