You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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