He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
