Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
