Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
