maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
