Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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