it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
