So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
