made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
