capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
