Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
