Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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