Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Pants are for mortals
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