ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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