spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
