i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
