this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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