you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
