I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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