haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
