Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
