New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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