That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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