yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
