Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
