dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
