I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
