Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Randomize
