There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
