Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
