I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
