it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
