My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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